Second of all if I start to detail everything crap, I'll reach for the JD and Prozac.
The ground. Not bad, better than Blundell which isn't saying much really. Human comparison is probably "Well I'm classier than Jordan".
The away fans are housed with the home fans with a moat like segregation. Town had over 1,000 fans in support. It was free so you would expect that.
Behind the stand Chicken Balti's were on sale for £1.50. Ooooh, me thinks I'll have one. Errrr, can I have a warm one please?
Groves brought his superstars back into the team. Crane, Barnard and Campbell returned with Ford, Young and Anderson making way. Macca's injury meant Crowe reverted to fullback. God himself, aka Mr Groves, played in midfield with Nicky Daws. Lee Thorpe partnered Boulding up front on his debut. Iffy sat on the bench.
Town had half a chance early on, Boulding was played behind the Oldham backline. The defence recovered well and that, combining with the tight angle, was enough to prevent any damage from Boulding.
Oldham were forced into an early change after just eight minutes. Will Haining failed to recover from a very early knock, Daniel Hall replaced him.
A minute later it was 1-0, not to us mind. Groves and Crane played hot potato in the middle of their own half, 'you have it, nah you take it, I don't want to'. Scott Vernon nipped in and proceeded to goal, Aidan tried to close down the angle but the striker's curling shot was inch perfect and a fine goal, awful defending though. Surely his hands were burnt before he got to the goal though?
Town went straight back into crapness mode from the kick-off. Only the linesmans flag stopped Jermaine Johnson making it 2-0. The Latics fans didn't have long to wait though.
On 16 mintues Vernon was played in by a midfielder, maybe Murray. Town's defence stood watching, maybe in amazement at the sweeping ball from all of 11 yards away. Either way Vernon finished for 2-0.
Something happened in the middle of the pitch. A blue shirt kicked the ball, a black and white shirt miskicked the ball, the referee peeped on his shiny silver whistle.
On 26 minutes Murray plodded down the right wing. No-one bothered to pick him up, why bother? Adam Griffin bombed forward down the left wing with no-one bothering to pick him up either. The Town end collectively growled at Barnard to do so. The Welsh international has no need for such meaningless tasks though, instead he went off to dig for some worms or something. Cross came over, Davison left totally exposed and in no-mans land. Griffin met the ball with a fine overhead kick that looped over Aidan and into the net. Hats off, if I had one, to a fine goal. Hats back on, lets just pretend I have one, for the poo defending - again!
Around this time Town got a free-kick, yippee. Jevons curled it round the wall but Pogliacomi easily pushed it away for a corner. From said corner Barnard played it across to Daws. The former Bury man swung his effort goalwards, the net rippled. It's in, get in. Back in the game. Oh, sidenetting. I knew that. I did, honest.
Then the best moment of the game. Enter.........Alan Pouton. Pouts came back to see how his former team-mates were doing, well I'll give you a clue there, Al. It's the opposite of excellent, begins with S, ends in T and the middle is how a thicko would spell 'high'. Still nice of Pouts to come back though. His name got sung, someone asked if he'd come back, someone whispered 'who's he?'.
Back to our level of crap now. Jevons lost possession in midfield and the ball found it's way to Johnson. Town, who are now masters in the art of backing off, backed off. The Bolton loanee fired a weak shot goalwards but Davison dived like a sack of spuds allowing the ball to trickle in under his body. 4-0.
Two minutes before half-time and Town lost their best, well only, player. Johnson got goalside of Edwards before he was sniped down from the roof, I mean by Edwards' shirt tug. Lethal weapon that. Crane was covering therefore Edwards wasn't the last man. Referee Anthony Leake disagreed, straight red card.
Up until that point, Edwards was Town's defence. Barnard was cutting the worms up and watching them still move about, like cloning. Sorta. Crowe can't defend but he was trying. Crane was ermmm, I dunno to be honest. Just not doing very well really.
Injury time of the first half and it was 5-0. Least they was good enough to score when most people were in the toilet, which is nice. Thanks for that, Oldham.
Murray crossed from the right wing for Vernon who completed his hat-trick with a close range finish. Did we defend that one? Hmmmm, let me think......No.
During the break Oldham's 'saviours' were brought out to meet their adoring crowd. 3 fella's came out in suits, I think one took his jacket off though. He means business. They kicked a few balls into the stand and then one of them gave a rousing speech and thanked people for coming to a free game. All that was missing was the Rocky theme tune and maybe one of those things that explode with ticker tape and glitter flying out of it.
Onto the second half and Town went continental. Groves and Jevons made way, Anderson and Ford came on. With a back three of Crane, Crowe and Ford - Town went 3-4-2. It was more effective as Oldham only scored one more goal, but they had stopped trying long before.
Anderson was the shining example in the second half. He was the one who wanted the ball the most, he was the one tracking back and he was the one who actually looked bothered.
His attitude wasn't the general one though and despite some decent spells of possession and glimpses from Lee Thorpe, we had as much chance of scoring as Peter Andre.
Five minutes from time and Newcastle loanee Calvin Zola blasted home from close range to make it six and make Town look even more poop.
Man of the Match - Lee Thorpe. Looked fairly decent. Good in the air, bit of pace to his game and willing to put himself about. Lacked service and Boulding hardly provided help when he was outnumbered on several occasions.
Overall a crappy performance, a crappy game, a crappy result and a crappy weekend. We now sit very close to relegation zone, which is also crappy.
We was cr...rubbish. We lacked ideas, passion and organisation. Paul Groves has to take the blame for the poor tactics and team selections (again where was Graham Hockless?). But the level of performance from the majority of the players was nothing short of a disgrace. For that they should hang their heads in shame.